// From the Archives //
One of my favorite moments on Full House growing up was when Jesse was teaching his twins the Mother's Day song. So every year, I sing it to at least one person on this day. "What day is today? Today is Mother's Day!" Hearing the little twins from the show sing it in my head always brings joy.
I have to be honest, though. This year the song is painfully pricking my grieving heart.
I was not expecting this Mother's Day to be one like this. I was expecting to be almost 20 weeks pregnant with a baby today. I would have already found out the sex, and I would have had the perfect name picked out. I would have been getting the room ready, and I would have not been able to fit in any of my clothes.
Today, none of those things will happen.
Instead, I feel as if I am starting the grieving process all over again today. It feels as though I just found out I would never have the chance to be a mom to that little girl or boy in this lifetime. It feels as though I am not a mother at all.
A friend of mine sent me the most precious card I have ever gotten this week. It said, "Happy Mother's Day!" I broke into pieces. I wept before the Lord and begged Him to allow me the priviledge of getting to have another baby.
It dawned on me when I read those words, though... I am a mother.
I may not be able to hold my little one a little tighter today, but I AM a mother. I may not get a gift from my child today, but I AM a mother. I became a mother the moment God began forming that baby in my womb. I may not get to be celebrated today, but I have reason to celebrate. I have been given the honor of conceiving a child, and I will have the honor of meeting that little creation one day.
And today I am thankful for my amazing mother. I am thankful God allowed me to be born to get the opportunity of knowing such a fantastic person. She is a pillar in my life. There have been doctors in her past that told her she may not live as long as she has because of various health problems, but she has outlived them all. I am so thankful she has... Today is a hard day for my mom every year, though. She gets to be celebrated, but she no longer gets to celebrate her own mother's life. Her mom died when my mom was 23 of a rare disease. She never got to meet any of her grandchildren. She was only 44 years old. On this day every year, my mom has to relive her own grief over and over. She has to remember the graveside that day. She has to remember the darkness, the emptiness, the pain, the grief of the day she found out her mother was gone.
Today, mom, I want to celebrate you. I know that you longer get to tell your mom how great she was on this holiday. I now know that today is not always an easy day. I now know that today can be painful. I know what it is to have an unconventional Mother's Day. I share in your pain today. I grieve as you grieve today. But I need you to know that I am so grateful you are my Mom. God placed me in the home that He wanted me to be in, and I can't imagine a better one. It is an honor to call you, "Mom." I pray that God will let me hear a child say those words one day on earth, but if not, I know He will let me hear it in Heaven when I get to meet my little one. I know you will be excited to hug your mother, too. We can all have a great big reunion celebrating. I will finally get to meet your extraordinary mother, and You will finally get to meet your extraordinary grandchild. It will be a Mother's Day to remember.