// From the Archives //
I never realized how selfish I could be until I had a baby.
Motherhood and selfishness really cannot coexist.
I have seen selfishness rear its ugly head a few times (way more than a few) since I got married, but even more now that we have added Tatum to the mix.
18 hours of labor, three epidurals (because they kept wearing off, and I had a low tolerance for pain), sleepless nights for weeks. That will make you feel a little selfish.
You want your sleep back.
You want your pre-baby body back.
You want your free time back.
Breastfeeding.... Staying home from work while your baby is sick even though you really need to go to work. Holding her when she is crying. Attending to her needs. That will make you a little selfish.
You would love for someone to attend to all of your needs every once in a while.
Now, for all of those who long to be mothers, wait for the good part. I sound like I am complaining, but I am simply pointing out the truth.
Being a mom is hard work. Being a working mom is hard work.
When I am not at work, I am constantly meeting Tatum's needs, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, sweeping, and everything in between. Don't get me wrong. Beav helps me so much, but it is still hard work.
And yes, there are days when I would rather not have to think about someone else all day. I am just being honest. I have never really been good at putting others before myself. In fact, my hospitality and service gifts are two of the lowest in my spiritual gifts. Beav is great at serving, but me, not so much.
I have always been that way, as long as I can remember. But like I said earlier, motherhood and selfishness cannot coexist. I would argue that marriage and selfishness cannot coexist, either, but that's an entirely different blog.
So why do I still get aggravated if I have to stay home from work to watch Tatum when she is sick? Am I more concerned about not getting the paycheck that our family needs because of my missed days? Or I am concerned about being inconvenienced?
Instead of being a mom that smiles, rolls up her sleeves, and puts cream on hand, foot, and mouth blisters, I have been the mom that is easily irritated when Tatum cries a lot, kicks and screams in pain, wants to be held, and won't eat because the blisters are covering the back of her throat.
I have been the mom that complains, that feels like I deserve a special treat for taking on such a task.
What is that??? Seriously? Now I am not saying that one has to be excited when her kid won't eat and cries constantly out of pain. That can make any woman want to pull her hair out and cry.
What I am saying is that being a mom is a tremendous honor. I want to have that perpsective every moment, every day.
It is an honor to hold her when she screams.
It is an honor to be in labor for 18 hours.
It is an honor to clean scraped knees.
It is an honor to stay home with my little girl for a couple of days while she gets better.
God entrusted me (selfish me) with the task of mothering a little girl, and for that I am thankful. Maybe He knew that I needed to learn a thing or two about humility and considering others.